or, for you more pedantic types, “of what are you afraid?”
recently, i’ve had some stimulating dialogues with several good friends about the question in subject. i was surprised, quite frankly, at how this query would prompt such grave reflection and so whence comes this prompt, you ask?
well, honestly, a movie, namely, Coach Carter. a few years ago i watched it and what i found most arresting was Samuel Jackson’s continual asking of this to a young man on the threshold of ruin or redemption, “son, what are you so afraid of?”
now the producers of the movie used this interrogative device as a poetic interpolation to grant profundity, i suppose, but whatever it worked! at least for odd folk like me who “get off” on this kinda arcane stuff…we think it to be deep and thus the rest of the movie we wonder, “why the hell does he keep asking that question?”
later in the show, the young man finally gets it (in the way only hollywood could portray it) by reciting a poem–so eloquent and chock-full of the “deeper” crap, you know…
in real life though, persons don’t quote the poems (lol)…and so i was moved by answers from some. but let me not shy away and just be sincere. here’s my list:
1.) i’m afraid that death ends all
2.) i’m afraid that my best days were yesterday
3.) i’m afraid that my quest for the impossible is just that: foolishly impractical
4.) i’m afraid of being alone
5.) i’m afraid of never having Cleve the 5th (or a girl i could spoil, something starting with a C lol)
6.) i’m afraid of failing (hum, maybe the standard of failure is set subconsciously by former and present peer groups)
7.) i’m afraid that others can see through the facade (that i’m really rife with insecurities)
8.) i’m afraid EVERYtime i speak, preach or teach
9.) i’m afraid that my passions will always be grasping…
10.) that i may go on what Keats calls the “journey homeward to the habitual self”
in short, i guess i’m afraid that what C.S. Lewis says may be true. That these “spiritual longings,” intangible yet pressing, are the things which truly undergird our good and bad doings…and we notice them when
“the moments of vision die away, as the music ends or as the landscape loses the celestial light…for a few minutes we have had the illusion of belonging to that world. Now we wake to find that it is no such thing. We have been mere spectators. Beauty has smiled, but not to welcome us; her face was turned in our direction, but not to see us. We have not been accepted, welcomed, or taken into the dance…”
hum, so now it’s your turn: what are you afraid of? stopping for a moment to consider your deepest wants often help one better learn better what they really want…or better yet, what fears drive these wants…
oh, let me foreground some stuff here to obviate a stringent response:
1.) given: most of us share a certain religious orientation right that assuages these fears, nonetheless these are the impulses which drive us to our faith in the first place (besides familial heritage). In other words, I realize that a lot of our fears are not based in fact, so please no provincial responses that seek to helpJ
2.) I send this only to a group of folk who I don’t mind being “out there” with and realize that some are not this revealing. I just found the exercise helpful to me and some others and decided to interrogate for more fodder…do reply though if you wish with your list…:)
CVT
10 Comments
March 18, 2008 at 11:03 pm
from an honest brother:
1) NOTHING (ha) male ego
CORRECTION MY GREATEST FEAR IS THAT I HAVE IN ANYWAY misread, misinterpreted, or misused God’s WORD while preaching or teaching.
2) I am most afraid that I will make it to heaven and somewhere along the line mess up like the original Minister of music.
3) That in a world of sighted people that having true vision is a curse
4) That I will never be able to be understood for who I really am mentally/physically/intellectually/yes even sexually
5) That I will never finish my solo project
6) That I will fail my child as a parent as I have my eldest 2
7) That I will fail my wife as a lover (non-sexually as well as sexually)
9) I am afraid of failing GOD daily
March 18, 2008 at 11:05 pm
from one in texas:
Well, to be quite honest my fears mirror yours in many ways
I’m afraid that:
1. I’ll live a marginal, insignificant, unfulfilled life (Never living up to my full potential)
2. That none of my deepest desires will ever be satisfied
3. I’ll die alone… no wife, no kids (I’ll never know love beyond the platonic)
4. God will turn me away when I stand before Him
5. God has “washed His hands” of me…in a way
March 18, 2008 at 11:07 pm
another brother says:
1. Afraid of failure.
2. Afraid to wake up ten years from now having not accomplished much in life.
3. Afraid of being broke.
4. Afraid of not being a good father.
5. Afraid that my years at ___ were a waste and I should have went to law school.
6. Afraid I will never own a home, have money for my kids college, and have no retirement.
7. Afraid I will wind up working at a place for the rest of my life that I hate.
8. Afraid my kids will never know their grandmother.
9. Afraid my mother will die and I will not be around.
10. Afraid that I will talk big plans and never accomplish them.
11. Afraid of the unknown.
12. Afraid I will try to fit the mode in the church just for a check and hate it.
13. Afraid everyone around me will move forward and I will be stuck.
14. Afraid if I don’t take some risks I will continue to “go through the motions in life”.
15. Afraid to miss God’s purpose for my life or just maybe that I choose my own destiny and God is not concerned what course I take.
16. Afraid if my wife were to die.
17. Afraid to lose the few friendships I have.
My list could continue and when I get time ponder more.
March 18, 2008 at 11:08 pm
i love how deeply this sister went:
1) I am afraid of looking stupid or unintelligent
I’m afraid that I will never be able to hold onto love again
2) I’m afraid of being alone for the rest of my life
3) I’m afraid of being raped and murdered in my home, not being found and nobody missing me for days or weeks
4) I’m afraid that I won’t be seen as I really am
5) I’m afraid to show people who I really am (I know…it’s a contradiction, but isn’t life on many fronts?)
6) I’m afraid of global warming because I can see it really happening one day
7) I’m afraid to leave the church where I am not happy
9) I’m afraid to say to some people how I really feel to their face so I write them instead
10) I’m afraid of change
11) I’m afraid to be totally introspective
12) I’m afraid of truly finding me because it might change the me I am today (see number 10)
13) I’m afraid my time is running out and I haven’t accomplished all that I want professionally
14) I’m afraid to leave my job because it is comfortable, safe, and I have lots of freedom to do as I please…but know I am worth much more than I am paid
15) I’m afraid that I am going to die soon
16) I’m afraid to put ME first
17) I’m afraid to be a member instead of a leader ( I have to be in the decision making process)
18) And so, yes I am afraid most of my light, not my darkness, and have shrunk myself so people don’t feel insecure around me on too many times to count, especially on the rare occasion that I see the physical beauty other people see in me
March 18, 2008 at 11:10 pm
brief, but sweet, another says:
I’m afraid of being broke for the rest of my life.
March 18, 2008 at 11:13 pm
another sister says:
1.) I’m afraid of failure
2.) I’m afraid that my business will never reach it’s potential
3.) I’m afraid that I will never meet “mr. right
4.) I’m afraid that I will never marry and I’m already __
5.) I’m afraid that I will never have children and again I’m already __
6.) I’m afraid of what people think of me at times
7.) I’m afraid of missing what God has for me
8.) I’m afraid of “backsliding”
9.) I’m afraid of being alone
10.) I’m afraid of not finishing college
March 19, 2008 at 9:38 am
I’m afraid that I might f**k up and marry the wrong man. Now the question must be raised, “what is so ‘wrong’ about him?” so let me I clarify my fear. I am afraid that I will tie myself to someone who is either a hindrance or just plain un-ushering to me fulfilling all the greatness that I believe God has placed inside me. I am afraid of the “merely personal” as Einstein has called it – that is, shit that ain’t all that important. But then again, to geniuses what is really important? Most brilliant people are miserable when it comes down to the merely personal and have the track record of many spouses to prove it. Therefore, because I’m thinking (all over the place) as I write, I suppose my fear is that the word of God will contradict itself in me. I, like you, have read that the gifts of God are irrevocable. But I, like you, have also read how Moses missed the promised land, and Saul was stripped of his kingdom. So I supposed my fear truly is that “I” could possibly within this “calling” do something that will cause me to fall short of the call. Thank God for grace. Nevertheless, I’se scared. In short, I believe I’m afraid of myself.
March 19, 2008 at 2:51 pm
darnell says:
afraid of…living a life eclipsed by my repetition of bad habits…sitting with self…dealing with self…dying without making change in the world…afraid that my fears themselves are not true…afraid that i may not be afraid of anything and that the lack of fear points to my lack of connection to or affinity for that which is greater than me…afraid that my love / desire to care / empathy will wane and i won’t be bothered…afraid to simply be…
March 19, 2008 at 2:58 pm
lil’ miss spoiled girl says:
im afraid that ill make a wrong turn somewhere
that ill make a wrong decision and have to live with it
well even in that…forever
my fears are the reason for my extremeness, anxieties and indecisiveness
I fear posting my fears to strangers…lol
March 19, 2008 at 4:08 pm
whoo….well, let me try to at least be original given the brilliance already posted….
1. i’m afraid i’ll always settle for being sloppy seconds in love
2. i’m afraid i won’t finish my degree and they’ll all laugh at me
3. i’m afraid that i’m so detached that there’s nothing strong enough to reel me back into true agape
4. i’m afraid of being alone forever and “going stag to the prom”
5. i’m afraid that i’ll never be a mother
6. i’m afraid that i’m not “good enough” – as a writer, as an entrepreneur, as a singer, as a woman
7. i’m afraid of leaving unfinished business and unresolved relationships when i die
8. i’m afraid i don’t have enough patience and could miss that slow-as-molasses blessing
9. i gotta cosign with an earlier fear — how many times will i use THIS word instead of THAT or omit fact X to make others more comfortable around me?
10. i’m afraid that shame and guilt will dim my light