me: yo, CVT, it’s been almost a year now, are you still “tired now”? lol…has lady Content finally visited, has that inscrutable, intangible “Peace” come as the result of your spiritual strivings, or is that Closeness you seek still grasping; have you found Fidelity? do you still believe in Love and Service, and what now is your apologia for “me”?
CVT: well, i’m not sure whence this dialogue comes, whether i should take umbrage at the sardonic inferences or think more closely ‘bout that prayer?
me: well, in a sense, i am your own interrogation, right? i’m your own creation; you’ve dichotomized your “self” to highlight your contradiction, so now listen to yourself, “me,” in the gap, if you will, let’s talk from the threshold of redemption, or regression…
CVT: yeah, but it’s not that i’ve changed much really, i’m CVT—the same liar, cheat, scoundrel, and ne’er-do-well with the messed-up mores of my youth…and so while you represent the best of what CVT can be, a sort of skeptical realism (or acceptance that the growing knowledge of myself makes you more distant and quixotic) has set in based on the year’s experiences and disappointments…
…since saying, ”i’m tired now” i’ve had reason, spiritually speaking, even, to be more ti’ed…i’m ti’ed of still bein’ “here” stagnant, and I’m ti’ed cause maybe I been climbing a ladder leaning ‘gainst the wrong wall, you know…are your “supports” really your supports, and who do you think you are that one should be faithful to you?…who have you been faithful to?
me: hmmm…okay, well, i’ll come halfway to meet then. i won’t text-proof to ya, i know you disdain that now; however, i will still use the symbols that have at least made you “me.” question: are you not still in pursuit of your “promised land”?
CVT: yeah, whatever that is…but now i just call it a preferable place, realizing that it’s not guaranteed that i get there, though Resilience won’t let me stop pursuing it… i guess the wisdom literatures, the prophets and the gospels are singularly powerful for me because of how they are so insightful as to the base human attitudes and experiences that make us ask the deeper questions…i marvel at them (the Scriptures), because what makes them sacred is that i believe that our god was at work in their transmission despite the many errors and foibles of us…
yet lately, i ain’t been interested in talking bout 1st century folk, only as their experience gives meaning to my life in the 21st one…cause for god to be potent to me then that same spirit must be active now in our communications about us…
me: well, that’s why they’ve been recorded right, according to St. Paul, for the sustenance of your hope (rom. 15.4). and you know I still proffer to you the strength of wisdom that comes from these holy narratives as our god gives them power. so you know, it’s trite but true: “obedience brings blessing,” “delayed doesn’t mean denied,” and your god can turn the “evil into good” (cf. Genesis 39; the Israelites in Exodus; and Rom 8).
CVT: exactly, and that’s what keeps me in the struggle for personal maturity, i guess, keeps me esteeming Magnanimity, running back to Fidelity and seeking your Prudence…cause i believe you…
me: but what person I guess are all these virtuous symbols pointing to; who the hell you think is your “Resilience”? these are not just ideals out there but we both know they’re personified in your “him”… (john 1.1-10).
CVT: well, that goes without saying right? i’m just acknowledging the impossibility of his ideals for me…
me: reverend!
CVT: you ain’t talkin’ to reverend, I’m CVT…
me: who’s CVT…
CVT: me…
me: “me”! but wait! who’s me…the transmuted self, right? the consciousness that has come from without, the source, or ground of all that’s good about you…
CVT: yeah…but i’ll always be CVT
me: yeah….but you were created to be me…
CVT: (sigh)…
